my phone needs a breathalizer
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
