Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You were trust falling into bushes
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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