You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
