carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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