apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I party with great urgency now.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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