I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
