You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
