For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
