i need an iv and a liver transplant
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
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I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
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You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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