So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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