I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
