I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
