I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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