Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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