does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
