If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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