You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
