The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
