Non-Jews are for practice
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
