I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
