ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
