Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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