I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
