Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
