my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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