my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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