he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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