Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
