is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
