Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
