we have pet lesbian snakes
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just invented taco cereal.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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