i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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