My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
