Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
