I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
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I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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