I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
