Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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