Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
