I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
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Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
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Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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