After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
