My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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