but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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