Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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