I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
