What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
