dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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