she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
