Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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