where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
