yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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