none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
