Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
