I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
