Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
