You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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