I just gift wrapped bread.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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