just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
