dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
