I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
