Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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