im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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