So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
