I wish I could punch you in the face.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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