Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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