I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
