did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
