I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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