we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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