seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
