I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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