Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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