haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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