I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
