we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
