Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
