On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize