I cannot find my penis.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
