I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
what is it with giant penises always finding me
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
