It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
