why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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