So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
