gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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