So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
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I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
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We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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