So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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